The Self Improvement Center

How To Help Your Shy Child

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Shy children are often pleasant. They are quiet, obedient, and rarely get in the way. Teachers love them, though they do not always know that social anxiety is the reason for their silence and compliance. Parents are more likely to be worried by their children's shyness. Shyness, of course, begins early in life. Parents of shy children recognize the signs very early on. Sometimes the child will be excessively anxious around strangers or will avoid new situations.

Parents sometimes think they may be overreacting when they express concern over their child's shyness. Teachers, who are often expected to function as educators, counselors, nurses, and disciplinarians, may be too busy trying to put out fires to concentrate on a well behaved and quiet child. If the child is not causing problems in class, this may be viewed as a good thing, not something that requires help. Only if the child is behaving in a way that is unacceptable to the school rules for example, being absolutely silent even when called upon is the teacher likely to call the school psychologist. Even then, most school psychologists have relatively little experience in helping shy children.

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Similarly, most pediatricians have limited experience and time to deal with shyness and social anxiety. Many pediatricians have considerable expertise when it comes to behavioral problems such as attention deficit disorder (ADD) and related issues such as learning difficulties. Few, however, have experience helping parents who are concerned about an introverted child. The tendency, then, is for doctors to dismiss parents' concerns about a child's shyness.

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If you are concerned about the extent of your child's shyness, chances are you are not overreacting, though you may be made to feel this way. But you need to be a strong advocate for your child's needs. If you feel that there is a problem, do not accept the all-too-common answer that it is just shyness and that it will go away.

Fortunately, there are many things a parent can do to help a child overcome social anxiety. In most cases, professional help is not required. Parents need to work with their child to make him or her more confident in social situations. Yes, there are children who will outgrow it on their own, but it is difficult to know if your child is one of them. Implementing a plan to help a child become more socially confident is a lot like planning an exercise program. Most children will run around on their own and get plenty of exercise (although television, video games, and home computers make this less certain nowadays). But some children will become couch potatoes if left to their own devices. They need more of a push.

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